is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He has the fingertips of a God
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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