Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
