He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
