How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize