Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
