Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
