i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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