think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
