Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
