I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
should my penis look like a turkey
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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