community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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