we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
