Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
