Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just invented taco cereal.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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