everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
