I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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