i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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