I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
