I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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