Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
