somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
