Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
