I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize