Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
