Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
