so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
