there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
