Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
