Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
