Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
