my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize