3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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