"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
