I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
