Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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