There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
