I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
