Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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