we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
