is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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