She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
