Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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