Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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