Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
