It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
