Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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