my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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