Dude my mom stole all your condoms
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
