He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
