my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
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