his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
