Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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