i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
