After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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