shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
