he was CRYING into my vagina
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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