We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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