I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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