Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
