just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
