I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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