we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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