Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
