See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, beer. Big fan.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
