Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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