Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
