In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize