How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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