I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
