My balls are so social today.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
